if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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