She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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