There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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