i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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