My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
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I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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