i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
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it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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