So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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