she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize