I got chris browned last night
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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