respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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