Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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