I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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