We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize