I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
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