Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize