u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize