are you still at the devil's house?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
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Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
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Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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