Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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