I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are my feet made of real feet?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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