I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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