Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize