You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize