Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
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I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
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