There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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