Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
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I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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