I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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