If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize