mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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