I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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