also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
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Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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