: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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