Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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