im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
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i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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