he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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