I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
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She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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