I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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