things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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