This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize