Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
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We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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