Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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