So drunk its hurt
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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