I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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