He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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