she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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