I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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