ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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