I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Can I color on your dick again?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize