I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am available for nakedness
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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