i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
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Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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