The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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